Konosuba oneshots
by InTheNght
Summary: "Kazuma, what are you reading?" "Oh, this is a story of us written by our fans." "Eh? We have fans?" "I do, not 'we' though. Well, maybe Megumin too, but not you or Aqua." "Hey, you know, even I would like some genuine praise every once in a while." "How dare you say that, you NEET?”
1. The Genie

"You there, priest! State thy devotion! I am Aqua. Indeed, Goddess Aqua, worshipped by the Axis sect! If thou art a believer...

... it'd be a huge help if you could lend me some money."

~Aqua

"Kazuma! Kazuma!"

It was a summer day, when birds chirped under the morning sun --

"Hey, Kazuma! Don't ignore me! Look at this!"

And a certain goddess shouted in a way which makes me question whether she really was, in fact, a goddess.

"Look at what I've found! Look, Kazuma, look!"

"No, Aqua, I will not buy the rocks you stole from the children in town for one million Eris each. Asking this question for the fifteenth time won't change my answer."

"Ehhhhh? How dare you accuse me, a goddess, of stealing? You shut-in NEET, I won those stones from children who said that I couldn't beat them at rock paper scissors ten times in a row. Besides, those aren't ordinary rocks! They're gems worth three million Eris each, and I'm giving you a fifty percent discount by selling them at a third of its price!"

Is it just me, but did half of what she said make absolutely no sense at all?

"Besides, I'm not going to sell those stones to you again. It's not like I stuffed them into your bag and took the money myself. So, as I was saying--"

I let out a roar as I hurled myself towards her. The two other residents of the mansion paid us no heed as we grappled on the floor.

"So,"I asked Aqua, "where were we?" She had burst into tears when I confiscated the Eris in her purse along with two bottles of booze as punishment.

"Ah, yes," she replied in her usual carefree tone. Is she really that cheerful or had she forgotten what had happened five minutes ago? Probably the latter.

"I found a genie!" She pulled something out of her pile of peculiar objects, including funnily shaped rocks, shiny metal objects, pieces of the beard from the middle aged shopkeeper of the vegetable stall (Don't ask me how, or why, she had gotten it. As I had said before, you wouldn't gain much from looking into the details.)

"How Interesting," I answered without even looking at her.

"You don't believe me, do you? Just look at this!"

I squinted to have a look at the thing in her hands.

"Well, nice lamp you've got there. Now go out leave me alone. I'll even give you some money so you could buy some snacks from the Takoyaki stall for yourself."

"That's great! Since when have you become so- Wait, that wasn't what I was trying to say! It's not just a lamp! I sense a strong magical presence within it. A genie must be trapped in the lamp!"

"Yeah, yeah. And someday I'll have an actual goddess by my side. I won't even mind if she pads her chest."

"Wahhhhh!!!!! I'm a goddess too! Just wait and see, I'll rub the lamp and a genie would come and grant all my wishes!" saying that, she rubbed the lamp.

Just as I was about to open my mouth to let out a retort, the lamp shuddered and leapt out of Aqua's hands, shaking like a plane under turbulence. Just like how these kind of stuff happen in movies, it began to unfold upon itself.

Sensing the commotion, Darkness, being the durable 'tank' in our party, shot up. "Everyone! Behind me!" she cried, her sword in her hands.

And, of course, being the courageous adventures we are, we scrambled to our feet and hid behind her.

What trouble has Aqua brought upon us? Was it another of those Demon Generals? An ancient fire-breathing dragon?A slime monster which devours the clothing of young, innocent maidens or, more likely, masochistic crusaders? ("Darkness, you're turned on, aren't you?" "No, I'm not") A catgirl who would say "Nyah, Master, welcome home" each time I pass through the front doors of the mansion? Or was it, even more terrifyingly, a giant toad, which we still could not defeat despite having taken down enough Demon Generals to spread our fame to the princess herself?

Whichever it was, I was sure that it would spell a long, hard battle for us. Well, all except the forth one on that list.

However, it turned out that I was all wrong. The lamp continued to unfold itself until it took the shape of a blue, muscular man with the bottom half of his body being a wisp of smoke coming out from the lamp.

My whole body tensed up, preparing for the fight.

Despite what others have said, I definitely wasn't planning to offer Aqua as a sacrifice and make a run for the doors.

The man stretched his arms and gazed around. Seeming satisfied, he looked at us and said, "Greetings, mortals. After thousands of years of imprisonment, I have finally been freed--"

"This world has only been around for seven hundred and eighty three years though," a certain someone pointed out.

The man froze. He then blinked twice before deciding to ignore the self-proclaimed goddess. Good choice.

"-- As a token of my gratitude, I would grant my saviour three wishes within the extent of my powers. Which one of you was the one who freed me from this prison?"

Aqua raised her hand while not forgetting to stick her tongue out at me.

"Very well. State what you desire, and I shall bring it to you with my hands."

Aqua thought for three long seconds and said, "I want you to spread the teachings of the Axis cult and let the influence of the Axis cult reach the very ends of the world!"

The man scratched his bald head.

"I'm afraid I can't do so. The locals in this town are rather... reluctant to accept the teachings of the Axis cult."

The word "reluctant" is not strong enough.

"Alright! Then restore my divine glory as a supreme goddess and allow me to return to my old post of reading manga all day-- er... I mean sending the deceased into other worlds."

"Never-mind, I'll just carry out what you said earlier." A notepad appeared out of nowhere and the blue man scribbled a few words onto it.

"What's your next wish?" He asked.

"I want you to fill the baths with booze. So much booze I could swim in it!"

Hey, is that how you should use wishes? I'm not even going to tell her how stupid that is.

"A bath filled with booze? Is that what you wish for?" The man seemed as taken back as I was.

"Yes! Make sure it's the most expensive booze in town!" The goddess of party tricks nodded with the glinting eyes of a six year old.

"Alright, alright!" The man jotted something down on the notepad again.

"Well, would you like some advice to your last wish? I could raise one of your stats if that's what you want. As an adventure, you must know that every single point makes a difference. What is it that you want? Strength? Luck? Agility? Speak, and I shall grant your wish."

Well, this is a much better idea. Much better than booze anyways.

"Ha! As a goddess, my stats are well above that of an average adventurer! My magic power is unparalleled even in the capital city of Belzerg!"

"I heard that your intelligence and luck are both well below average?"

Aqua covered her ears and looked away.

"Then why don't you have him improve your 'intelligence' stat? Luck shouldn't be a problem since you could cast "blessing" upon yourself," I suggested.

The blue haired girl puffed out her cheeks and glared at me.

"Intelligence it is. Now, your wishes would be granted swiftly, and the time for us to part has come. Once again, I thank you for setting me free."

With that, he disappeared into a wisp of smoke.

At the same moment, a bright blue light erupted from Aqua's pocket. Realising that it came from her adventurer's card, she took it out just as the light began to fade.

"It's working! See? I told you that I had found a genie. It's working!"

Magic...97, Strength...75, Agility...73, Luck...6 and Intelligence...23?

"...does that mean your Intelligence used to be less than 23?"

I don't even know how I should react to that. Should I laugh at her? Or should I give her a pat on her shoulder?

Trembling, she regarded her adventure's card with a dead look in her eyes. "It didn't work," she whispered with a hoarse voice, "Why did it not work?"

"Why! Why does this happen to me! Whyyyyyyyyyyy!" She burst into tears, shaking me as if I were a vending machine which refused to dispense drinks despite having been paid.

From how it looked, it didn't seem like it was a scam or something. The card looked exactly like it did when we levelled up. So was it --

"Hey, Aqua, didn't you say that your stats were maxed before?"

The goddess froze. Then, with a forced smile, she said, "Well... these stats are perfectly normal for a goddess like me. Aren't they, Kazuma? Aren't they?"

I was about to reply when there was a knock on the door.

"Miss Lalatina! Mr Kazuma! This is the head of security speaking! The town of Axel is in grave danger!"

The mansion was silent for a moment.

"Mage to E4. Inferno!" It seemed that Megumin and Darkness decided to play chess right after the incident with the genie.

"Demon General, teleport to D3! Vanir-Style Death Ray!" Megumin knocked the Mage chess piece off the chessboard.

I see. Megumin used her weakest piece, the adventurer, as a bait, and lured Darkness' Mage straight into the arms into her Demon General.

"Hey! Kazuma, Miss Lalatina, I know you're in there. Let me have a few words with you!"

I guess no one wanted to do so after hearing the words "grave danger", so we simply ignored the voice. It's as if we didn't have enough trouble ourselves.

"Ha! Without your Demon General's enemy sensing ability, your king is exposed! NEET adventurer, approach the king with lurk ability!"

Megumin frowned. She didn't see that coming. I scanned the chessboard. No, she didn't have any pieces close enough to save the king. The teleportation of the Demon General was still on cool down, the little girl from the Axis cult, whose only purpose was to distract amateur adventures, had been used as cannon fodder in earlier fights. Could it be that this move had been planned that long ago?

Megumin, realising her defeat, closed her eyes. Could it be that she would be beaten today? That Crimson Demon had never lost a game at chess. She took in a shaky breath and prepared to accept the defeat.

"EXPLOSION!!!!"

... or not. With such a cry, she flipped over the chessboard, scattering the pieces across the floor.

"It's a draw," she cried, marking it on her little booklet. Oh, and by the way, the page she was writing on was full of draws. The same goes for the previous one. And the one before that. You get the idea.

Sighing, Darkness went and opened the door. The head of security rushed in and said, "The peace of the Axel town is threatened! Citizens report that their houses had been stuffed with forms for joining the Axis cult along with soap and detergent! We suspect that a member of the cult has infiltrated into the city, and we have to track him down!"

Startled, Darkness asked, "Didn't I ban members of the Axis cult from entering the city ever since the Axis church was built? I'll have to check on the matters myself."

"What are you doing to my cute believers!" Aqua latched herself onto Darkness and yanked on her hair, throwing punches all the while.

Suddenly eager to leave the mansion, Darkness peeled Aqua off her back and hurried out with the lady.

Just as I was about to thank Eris for letting me stay out of trouble, I heard Aqua cry out from the bathroom.

"KAZUMAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

Slowly, I dragged myself to the bathroom, just to see Aqua standing at the bathroom door, her clothes dripping wet.

"Kazuma-"

"Yes, that's me."

"I was swimming in the booze the genie gave me-"

"Really? How nice."

"And I accidentally purified it into water!"

Ignoring the cries of a certain goddess behind me, I decided to get myself an afternoon nap.

_**Ah, Aqua, probably the easiest character to write about. This story has been in my head for days, so I have decided to write it out. I might post more oneshots in the future if you guys like it. Do please leave a comment if you made it all the way here!**_

_**Uploaded this from my account on Wattpad (with minor changes)**_


	2. Manga

"My excellent self spent all her points on acquiring all the party trick skills first, and then all the Arch Priest skills after that."

~Aqua

I walked up to the one famous magic item shop in town, the one famous for selling useless tools, of course, and opened the door...

"Vanir-style Death Ray!"

Instinctively, I shut the door before me. I rubbed my eyes. It's nothing, don't worry, your friend just got vaporised, no big deal I told myself. Just as I was about the open the door again, it swung wide open. Vanir appeared in his shopkeeper's uniform.

"Hello there, confused adventurer, are you here to sell your new products?" He asked.

I poked my head into the shop and spotted a pile of steaming ash and a familiar robe lying on the floor.

"Hey, is that Wiz? Is she okay?"

Alright, I'll admit it. That was a stupid thing to ask. Being blown up into a pile of dust is definitely not okay, even in this fantasy world.

"Ah, Kazuma, I'm fine," said the pile of dust. "My body will regenerate in a few moments. Please have a seat so I could make you some tea then."

I sat at the table in the shop, where a certain goddess have spent countless afternoons at. I looked around. The familiar products of the shop sat on the shelves: the potion which explodes on impact, the potion which explodes when its cap is opened, the potion which explodes if you drink it, the potion which explodes when you sing "Happy Birthday" and, finally, the one which explodes when you look at it. Don't worry, it's packaged inside a box. So it's safe until someone decides, for whatever reason, to open it.

What was unfamiliar was that objects resembling miniature cannons were piled up at the middle of the shop.

Vanir, noticing my gaze, explained, "Those are what the good-for-nothing shopkeeper ordered. They're supposed to give off a distress signal by firing magic towards the sky."

"So, they're basically flares. What's so bad about them?"

"Yes, I'll assume it's what you said it was, even if I don't know what that is. The problem is that it's not bright enough to be seen under daylight, and, when fired in the night, it attracts every undead monster under a five kilometre radius."

Oh, so that's how it is. I guess this shop isn't called the shop for useless items for no reason.

"I'll have one then."

"Really? Kazuma? You'll buy one? See, Mr Vanir, I told you it would sell!" Wiz has already fully recovered and look at Vanir with an excited look on her face.

"Well, we're, apparently, quite a favourable target for the undead already, so I guess a few more wouldn't hurt either."

"Thank you for your purchase. Now, have you decided to sell me the ... dynamite?"

Right. He had actually offered me quite a large sum to help him make the explosive. Well, it's not exactly dynamite, but a dynamite-based explosive made with materials from this world. But, it's not like anyone's going to complain if I call it dynamite as long as it makes a big boom.

However, my answer to his demand stayed unchanged. "No, just like I had said, it's not for sale. I'm using it as a last resort, a trump card. I don't want too many people to get hold of it. Besides, it would be a huge problem if the Devil King's army used them."

"Such a pity. I had a few high level adventurers who were fighting over the pre-orders."

"Hey, don't announce pre-orders before I actually decide to let you sell it," I got my bag and dumped its contents onto the table. "Besides, this stuff is much better. Back in where I lived, these things destroyed the lives of millions of teenagers and adults alike. It's called...

manga."

"My Foresight tells me what you said was not entirely true, but do tell me how this product works."

"Okay, it's not exactly the lives of millions of people. Maybe just the social part of their lives. Anyways, it tells stories through both pictures and words." I gestured towards the pile of paper. "Give it a read and tell me what you think afterwards."

He reached for the pile of paper and started reading. I waited anxiously. It was the first time I had shown anyone my work.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, he put away the manga. Impatiently, and perhaps a bit too eagerly, I asked him the one question that had been bothering me for the past few days.

"Was it good?"

He met my gaze and replied, sincerely, "I am really impressed by the idea of this manga..."

I brightened up at this.

"... but I don't really understand what this," he held up my work, "is about."

"Really?" I exploded, "Even a three years old could read manga! How could you not understand?" Have my talents been wasted on this illiterate man? To think that all my hours of work would end up like this, ugh, I'll just have to find someone who would appreciate my work.

"No, I mean, what I've gathered from this is that a pineapple, who was a disappointment to its human parents, fell in love with a cat and..."

"Hey, hold it right there. Where did that pineapple come from? It's a school-life based romantic comedy! A romantic comedy, not a biography of vegetable!"

"Doesn't it look like a pineapple?" He pointed at one of the characters.

"No, that's the protagonist. The main character. Seriously, this does not, in anyway, look like a fruit."

"Alright, alright, whatever you say. What's the story supposed to be about, then?"

I guess it's not a good time to mention that the plot is based on my middle school crush.

"If you paid even slightly more effort, I'm sure you would be able to understand the story. Besides, Aqua will be the doing the drawings, so they should be better."

"That whatever-she-calls-herself-that-starts-with-a-'g'? Are you trying to wreck my business? I'm already having enough trouble with this cursed shopkeeper, don't even think of giving me more trouble."

"Trust me. She's terrible at everything but arts. You wouldn't believe it when you see her 1:1 model of the Destroyer. With chopsticks, empty booze bottles and glue."

It looked so real that, in fact, an alarm was raised and a third of the adventurers in town fled from the city in panic. We then had to spend several hours convincing the guild that it was fake before bailing out the sobbing Aqua.

"Kazuma, why do you have such a dumb look on your face?"

Being the composed, easy-going person that I am, I ignored that and told the so-called goddess what I had in mind.

"You're asking me, a goddess, to draw manga for you?"

"Think of it this way. If you do this, you'll be crowned as the creator of manga in this world. Whenever people pick up a manga, the first person that comes to their mind would be you, Aqua."

"Does that mean I'll be worshipped even by those not in the Axis Cult? Will I have even more followers?"

"Probably, if you draw them well enough."

"Alright!" She pumped her fist into the air. "But I'm not sure if I could draw well."

"You should at least give it a try." I offered her a stack of paper and a pencil.

I watched her draw from her back. I never thought talking a loafer into doing something actually productive would be that easy.

Just as I was thinking, Aqua had already finished her work. It was a drawing of a middle aged man with funny moustache while trying to look menacing and, of course, failing terribly.

"Is that Alderp?" Alderp, the previous crappy landlord of Axel. The one who would have snatched our dear Crusader had I not crashed their so-called wedding.

"Eh? No, this is meant to be you, Kazuma."

"What? Me? No, that's - heck, no, this can't be me."

Aqua walked up to our mage and asked, "Megumin, who is this?" The self-proclaimed goddess pointed at the drawing. "Is this Kazuma, or is it Alderp?"

The said Crimson Demon stopped poking Chomusuke's belly and had a brief glance at the drawing before returning to her poking. "Of course it's Kazuma," she answered.

"Alderp looks ten times better than that."

Saying that, she looked at me with a smug smile on her face.

Oh, someone's looking for a fight.

"Drain touch!" Before I had even finished completing the sentence, my hand was already at the back of the explosion-crazy girl's neck. And, in the blink of an eye, she was already lying flat on the floor, drained, while I snatched Aqua's staff from her hands and pretended to thrust it into the fireplace.

"If only he could be that useful in actual fights," A certain crusader who can't even hit stationary targets mutter.

I put the exhausted Megumin onto the couch and sat beside her.

What happened after my victory over those two was that Aqua started yelling curses so ruthless that I wouldn't be surprised if she turned out to be one of the Demon Generals. ("From now on, every in-game weapon you buy with your pocket money will be nerfed into a potato, and all your teammates would start attacking you every five minutes!") I ended up giving her back the staff, horrified by the sheer brutality of her words. Shortly after that, Megumin, who had apparently recovered, started strangling me until I promised to take her out for the "An explosion a day, keeps the crazy-headed girl away" thing and to give her enough mana to do the job.

So, here I was, sitting on the couch watching Megumin play with Chomusuke.

"Kazuma! Have a look at this!" Aqua put a few pieces of paper beside me. It was the manga she made, and looking at it, the manga was about how I died and came into this world.

"I haven't finished it yet, but I thought I would let you have a look."

"Thank you, Aqua, the art's amazing. I thought I should have discussed the plot with you beforehand, but I guess you could continue on with this. You know, our adventures and stuff." This was one of the little times where I was genuinely impressed by the goddess.

"Hmph, I'm a goddess after all, did you expect any less?" She puffed out her chest.

"Yes, yes, well done." I complimented her some more. It was well worth it if this could get her to keep on the good work. Preferably at a lower price. "Take your time with the rest of it," I told her, " Just give me a heads up when you need any help."

"Don't worry, it'll be done before you even know it."

I woke up the next morning to find a pile of booklets, neatly stapled, on my table. I flipped over one of them and found that it was the manga Aqua had helped me make yesterday. However, even though there were only four pages then, it was now complete with more than thirty pages.

With the booklet in my hand, I made my way to Aqua's bedroom.

"What are you doing in my room, you creepy NEET? Luckily I decided to get up early this morning, or god knows what you would have done to my sleeping body," said Aqua with a terrified face.

"I just wanted to ask about the manga," I explained flatly. "Besides, no matter how I look at you, I can't think of how I could think of you in that way. Even if I were to take the risk and do something like that, you definitely won't be on the top of the list." With that, I walked away, looking at her frozen expression.

"I did help you with the manga, so you should at least treat me a little bit better," she managed after a while.

"That's what I came here for. Did you seriously finish all those last night? I told Vanir that they would take about a month to complete so you needn't have done that."

"Well, I spent an hour or so on it last night and happened to finish it. You didn't expect how useful a goddess could be, did you?"

"An hour? I mean, it would be hard enough just to finish one of these in that time, and there was a stack of those on my table."

"Oh, of course I didn't make all of them. Did you expect I, a goddess, to make copies of manga by hand?"

"Then where did those come from? Please don't tell me you forced anyone into doing so, or you're going to apologise to him with me right away."

"Eh? Is that how you think of me? How would I do something like that? If I had to say something, Kazuma would be the most likely one in our party to do something like that."

I ignored the last comment and asked, "Then, how are the other copies made?"

"Party tricks."

"Pardon me?"

"Party tricks," she repeated, "Oh, Kazuma, surely you have seen people who could make one object into two? Or have you spent your whole life inside your house so you haven't seen anything like that?"

"Shut up, I died outdoors, so I'm not a shut-in. Besides, don't these people have two of the same objects beforehand and hide one of them in their sleeves or something? It's not like you could make something appear from thin air."

"Eh? They do? I do it this way," Aqua grabbed a booklet and hid both of her hands behind her back. Then, when she placed her hands in front of her, there were two booklets, one in each of her hands.

I flipped over them. Both were filled with drawings and were pretty much identical.

"Heh, that's why I told you to learn party tricks," she said with a triumphant smile on her face.

"Yeah, whatever."

After breakfast, I headed to Wiz's shop to put the manga on sale. I decided to finish that as quickly as possible when I saw Wiz reduced to a pile of ash, so I won't end up buying something useless yet costly again.

With that out of the way, I decided to have a walk around town, then stop by at the guild to have a drink.

"Yo, Kazuma, what brings you here? Shouldn't you be hanging out with those girls of yours?" Dust called out to me as soon as I stepped inside. He waved me over and gestured me to sit beside him.

"Oh, I was just strolling around the neighbourhood. Thought I could have a drink here." I took a sip of my drink.

After a slight pause, Dust started speaking again. "You're so lucky, Kazuma, being surrounded by those three, living with them, even-"

"Stop right there. I've gone over this with you before. You have no idea how much of a trouble those three are. One's a danger-seeking meat shield, the other's an annoying, rowdy undead magnet, and the last one-"

"I heard that you had that Lalatina girl bathe with you," He continued, "Too bad that you didn't get to do anything afterwards."

"Wha... what are you talking about?" I forced a smile. "Of course I haven't done anything like that before," The only ones who knew about this were Darkness and I, and I was sure that Darkness wouldn't have told others about it.

"Oh, how much I'd give to have a chance of that. There was this time when I was peeking at the women's baths and nearly had my eyes gouged out. You would be now talking to a blind man had I not got a bunch of extra-slimy slime monsters up my sleeve. Sent them straight back to the baths again, you know," Dust said the last sentence with a laugh.

"I don't-"

He held up a hand to stop me from saying anything. "Everything you have done is in here," he held out the manga Aqua made. "In no time, you'll be the envy of every male adventurer in town."

I snatched the booklet from his hands and skimmed its content page.

"Kazuma makes Darkness wash his back"

"Kazuma sleeps with the goddess Arch Priest Aqua"

"Pedo-NEET Kazuma bathes with Megumin"

"Kazuma dives into a pile of unwashed clothes of his female companions"

I did say that the manga could be about the lives of our party members, but I expected the adventures and fights we had instead of... this. Besides, I didn't actually do the last one on the list. Well, I was going to, but-

Let's just say I was stopped before I got the chance to do so.

"Welcome back, adventurer, would you like to buy this invisibility scroll? It could make non-magic users invisible for up to fifteen minutes."

That's right. Here I am, back at Wiz's shop.

"What's the catch?"

"You'll have to hold on to the scroll during the fifteen minutes, and the scroll isn't invisible."

"No thank you. Do you still have the manga I gave you this morning?"

"They sold out almost the moment you walked out of the store. That Dust boy and his gang bought all of them in one go. My Foresight tells me that you need them back urgently."

With a bright smile, he asked, "Would you like me to provide a list of who bought it for a hundred thousand Eris?"

"Damn it!!!!!"

And that's why I offered ten times the original price to repurchase something I made myself.

_**Alright. Here comes the second oneshot. First of all, thank you, again, for taking your time to read this story. I apologise for the late update. This story turned out to be longer than expected, so it took more time to write.**_

_**If you're wondering, I'll feature other characters in future oneshots too. I have only written about Aqua because she's easy to write and it's also great fun to do so. I might do Megumin next, but no promises.**_

_**Also, I try my best to stick with the author's writing style (especially that of earlier volumes of the LN), so oneshots would most include more humour (at least I try to be funny) and less romance.**_

**_As usual, please do leave a comment- criticism, encouragement, comments, waffles- anything that convinces me that there are other humans out there reading my_ _story._**


	3. An Average Day for Megumin

Ten o'clock in the morning.

"I am Megumin, wielder of the strongest magic known to man- explosion magic, slayer of the dragon which once resided in the city of Axel! My magic, unrivalled in this town, can split mountains and crush foes!" cried the only Crimson Demon in the mansion, flinging back her cape while brandishing her staff at the same time.

Aqua and Darkness stared at her blankly, then returned to their previous postures with Aqua sprawling over the couch, listening to the crackling noises of the fireplace and Darkness trying, and inevitably failing, to knit.

Noticing that, Megumin flung her coat backwards and recited the same thing again, a bit louder than before.

This time, the two completely ignored her. Megumin stiffened, retaining her awkward posture of holding her staff mid-air. Nonetheless, it did not discourage her from trying again.

"I am Megumin, wielder of-"

"Shut up. Emperor Zell is asleep." Aqua said flatly, cutting off the younger girl.

"Oi! What's with that attitude? If you've got something to say about me, let's hear it!" roared Megumin, her eyes now glowing red.

Two o'clock in the evening.

Megumin stepped into Wiz's magic equipment shop and started looking around.

"Ah, are you looking for your friend? She has been waiting here since the morning," Wiz greeted her from the counter.

Megumin turned and saw Yunyun looking at her in front of a shelf.

"W...what do you mean? Of course I'm not waiting for anyone! I'm just looking at this... monster-luring potion!"

"..." Megumin, not believing any of that, stared at her.

Yunyun, her face a bit red, announced, "I am Yunyun, top student of the Crimson Demon Clan! And today will be the day we settle our long lasting feud!"

Two thirty in the evening

"So, all I have to do is to kill as many goblins as possible?"

"Yes, the one who kills more goblins before the potion's one hour usage expires wins." Yunyun pointed to the potion she bought at Wiz's shop, which was now placed in the middle of a small piece of open area found in the forest. Yunyun and Megumin hid in a bush far away enough to just be able to see the potion.

It didn't take long for the first goblin to appear. Soon enough, goblins, one after another, came out from hiding to inspect that particular object. Yunyun tensed up, preparing to unleash her magic, while Megumin...

"Explosion!"

The blast vaporised its targets- the goblins, the bottle of potion and even the ground beneath them. All that remained was a large, smouldering crater. The two girls were also knocked off their feet.

Yunyun stayed where she was, frozen. Then, she cried, "What were you thinking, Megumin! I spent a week's worth of salary on that potion, and now look what you have done!" Sure enough, the rest of the goblins have already scuttled away from the blast and were now no where to be seen.

"Let's see, I've taken out thirteen goblins." Megumin pulled out her adventurer's card slowly. "That's thirteen more than you did..."

Yunyun rushed over to the Megumin sprawling on the ground and started raining blows on her.

In the midst of that that, Megumin didn't forget to declare, "I, Megumin, the most powerful wizard to have ever lived, am the winner of today's match!"

Four o'clock in the evening

After the two rolled across the floor for a while (READ: A long while), they dragged themselves back to the adventurers' guild.

And, of course ...

"Oi! What do you mean by this? I, the Arch Wizard of the Crimson Demon clan, have to pay for damage caused by my precious magic?"

... this happened.

"We're very sorry about this, but the forest is a protected habitat of Axel... and some adventurers saw you removing the sign prohibiting destructive magic in the forest before entering it."

Yunyun asked flatly, "Hey, did you really do that?"

"Of course I didn't!" She actually had the ability to sound surprised. "

"You all trust me, don't you?" Megumin looked at the adventurers, one by one, her gaze sweeping across their faces. Unsurprisingly, they all turned away.

" "..." " Both Yunyun and the guild staff stared at her coldly.

Megumin shot up and banged her hand on the table. "Who would go so far to speak evil of an innocent young girl like myself?"

She pointed at one of the adventurers sitting at the back.

"You there! You're the one who argued with me last week!"

"Me? What did I do? All I did was say 'It's dangerous for a little girl to be in this guild alone. Where are your parents? I'll tell them to pick you up.' when I saw you wandering around, and then you started going nuts! Who would have thought that you were the crazy explosion-obsessed girl the other adventurers are talking about?"

"What do you people call me behind my back? Tell me how you could bring yourself to think of me as a crazy person!"

How does she expect people not to think she's crazy?

"Hey, I saw you looking at me with that perverted look on that face of yours last week!" She pointed at another young adventurer. "You must have done that to grab my attention!"

"What? My tastes aren't peculiar enough for me to be interested in someone like you. Even if I have a girlfriend, I wouldn't want someone as flat as a board! If you're looking for a lolicon, Kazuma'a the man."

"Flat as a board... lolicon..." when she heard these words, the red glow of her eyes grew brighter and brighter.

A while later, she was dragged out of the guild and sent to the police station when the guild staff heard her muttering the spell for explosion magic under her breath.

Eight o'clock in the evening

"- so that's how I got framed by the guild!" Megumin told her own story of how the heartless adventurers at the guild worked together to have her sent into jail.

"I used 'lurk' to follow you around today just to see how you managed to have half the town complain about how annoying you are, so I saw what you did today," I muttered. "I shouldn't have bailed you out, so you could spend a day or two to reflect on yourself. I'm sure the world would thank you if you could learn not to cause any trouble like Darkness."

"What do you mean by that? I'm sure I'm the most honest person in the party!"

I don't even know how she's so confident about that.

_**Well, that's the last oneshot I have in store. (These are uploaded from my account on Wattpad, written two years ago) What do you guys think? I am currently working a oneshot about the anime Kaguya-sama: Love is War. I don't plan on writing more konosuba oneshots soon, since I haven't read/watched anything related to the series for quite a long time, and I'm afraid that I'm not too familiar with it now. Nonetheless, if you guys liked these oneshots, I could probably and work on some new ones. Do please leave a review to tell me how you feel.**_


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